Patellas

I think my knees are starting to sag. Actually I am pretty sure of it. I looked at them in the mirror the other day and something just didn't look right. This is something I never even thought about. Who knew that one of the first things to go would be the knees? To make matters worse it seemed like it just happened over night. I guess I was so busy staring at my face watching for any sign of a crinkle I did not notice the droop that has started around my knees.

I am truly devastated by this turn of events. I have spent the better part of this year with incredibly sore leg muscles due to the copious amounts of squats and leg lifts I have done to try and thwart the arrival of a fat ass and caked on cellulite thighs. Also, considering I am no longer in my 20's, I only have a small window that I can wear short dresses. So off to the gym I went every day (well almost) lunging my way into a tiny skirt. Often times with hateful thoughts in my head for a dear friend who only tried to help me achieve my goal of Giselle legs. And now I realize it was weeks of being rendered immobile for nothing! I can't wear short dresses with these knees! I am like a freaking old lady whose stockings roll down because her droopy knees can't hold them up. Devastating to say the least.

This is just too much for my fragile ego to handle. At the start of this year I put on my "New Years Goals" to wear heels more often because I am finally ready to accept the fact that I am as tall as the Empire State building and now I am just not sure I can rock the 3-inchers with a micro-mini unless I wear tights to cover the atrocity that is becoming my mid leg.

I can't stay on top of all the things I need to watch out for; gray hair, eye wrinkles, mouth wrinkles, extra chins, fat arms, cellulite... just typing this list has made me exhausted. Now I have to figure out a way to prevent my knees from dropping down to my ankles? Do they even have knee lifts? Kris is going to kill me when I tell him I need a knee lift. He already thinks I am crazy when I make him comb through my hair, like a chimp looking for bugs to eat, for any signs of gray. On the other hand though, he should be grateful I am attempting to maintain my girlish figure and looks. Just knowing that his wife looks amazing, not a day older than 26 with stems that belong on the cover of "Legs & Limbs Magazine", will only better his life as well. It is as just as much for him as it is for me. Or at least that is what I will keep telling him to ensure he will be there to hold the straw to my lips when I have taken to the couch with my legs elevated because of my double knee lift.