Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I'll Miss You Most of All

It has recently come to light that my brother isn't the only one who wishes I would write about happy things. It seems as though some people feel that I am too pessimistic. I believe I have given sound arguments to justify my writing. Defenses like; it is like a diary, writing about brief moments in time. There needs to be conflict in story-telling, no one wants to read about nothing happening. A lesson is learned at the end of each entry. But the fact of the matter is people, these things that I write about really did/do happen to me. I am not making this shit up. I mean I truly didn't get cast for the part of me! I am sorry if that is too depressing FOR YOU TO READ!!!

(catching my breathe, regaining composure)

SO in light of hearing other people's opinions I decided that I would try an experiment this week and not allow myself to say anything negative. Only positive thoughts can come out of my head and onto the paper. Of course when I decided to attempt this little experiment I had no idea that some jerk-off would have stolen my ATM card number and helped himself to $500 dollars of mine and Kris's money. While I did have a brief slip up when I told Kris I wanted to hunt this person down and kill him. I quickly forgave myself for that teeny transgression and I am back on track to my positive ways.

I have been thinking lately about the amazing people in my life. I think one of the smartest things I have ever done since moving to LA was to surround myself with such stunning people that no matter how wrinkled my face gets I know they will always be there. For example, JK + RW always, always make me feel like I am beautiful. They both always seem genuinely happy to see me and never fail to tell me how lovely I look. Even on days when I know I look like a serial killer. I cannot tell you what that means to have 2 people in your life who never fail to lift your spirit. LVKM, you give me such confidence and support. Days when I feel most insecure you always seem to sense it right away and ALWAYS have exactly the right thing to say to me. You are one of the people who have helped me make it this far. JG, you are one of the most encouraging friends I have. I feel so lucky to have you in my corner. M+D, you never give up on me. Ever. MD +KM you're here. Because of that I can breathe a little easier. MAD +CD, you had a baby first! That is really not the only reason. Truly, the list is far too long and I know without you I would die. DG+YG, you gave me such a gift. I am so appreciative of you and your support. PP, you have shown me how to look at things in a positive light. You're confidence and talent is so impressive and I feel like I learn a little bit every time I am with you. NH, this last year would have been hell without you. You are so sweet and kind and I feel extremely lucky to have you as my friend. And while it may take a wheelchair to get me up on that stage, I believe in my heart you will be the one up there handing me the statue!

And to KAPS, you are all of these people and so much more. Thank you for being so honest, so generous and so funny. Thank you for unwavering support and for giving up your professional sports career so you are not tempted to sleep with porn stars. I can honestly say that if the only reason that I was meant to move to LA was to find you then I will gladly give up any chance of stardom. (though lets hope for your sake it is not the only reason or you're in for buckets more tears)

Dear God, I sound like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. This is way too much for my black heart. So really take it in b/c I am counting the days until positive week is over and then it is back to stories of how I was mistaken for some one's brother. But until then I will adhere the Monty Python and say, "always look on the bright side of life." Even as she typed one could sense the sarcasm dripping from each word.