Tuesday, September 7, 2010


I think my knees are starting to sag. Actually I am pretty sure of it. I looked at them in the mirror the other day and something just didn't look right. This is something I never even thought about. Who knew that one of the first things to go would be the knees? To make matters worse it seemed like it just happened over night. I guess I was so busy staring at my face watching for any sign of a crinkle I did not notice the droop that has started around my knees.

I am truly devastated by this turn of events. I have spent the better part of this year with incredibly sore leg muscles due to the copious amounts of squats and leg lifts I have done to try and thwart the arrival of a fat ass and caked on cellulite thighs. Also, considering I am no longer in my 20's, I only have a small window that I can wear short dresses. So off to the gym I went every day (well almost) lunging my way into a tiny skirt. Often times with hateful thoughts in my head for a dear friend who only tried to help me achieve my goal of Giselle legs. And now I realize it was weeks of being rendered immobile for nothing! I can't wear short dresses with these knees! I am like a freaking old lady whose stockings roll down because her droopy knees can't hold them up. Devastating to say the least.

This is just too much for my fragile ego to handle. At the start of this year I put on my "New Years Goals" to wear heels more often because I am finally ready to accept the fact that I am as tall as the Empire State building and now I am just not sure I can rock the 3-inchers with a micro-mini unless I wear tights to cover the atrocity that is becoming my mid leg.

I can't stay on top of all the things I need to watch out for; gray hair, eye wrinkles, mouth wrinkles, extra chins, fat arms, cellulite... just typing this list has made me exhausted. Now I have to figure out a way to prevent my knees from dropping down to my ankles? Do they even have knee lifts? Kris is going to kill me when I tell him I need a knee lift. He already thinks I am crazy when I make him comb through my hair, like a chimp looking for bugs to eat, for any signs of gray. On the other hand though, he should be grateful I am attempting to maintain my girlish figure and looks. Just knowing that his wife looks amazing, not a day older than 26 with stems that belong on the cover of "Legs & Limbs Magazine", will only better his life as well. It is as just as much for him as it is for me. Or at least that is what I will keep telling him to ensure he will be there to hold the straw to my lips when I have taken to the couch with my legs elevated because of my double knee lift.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Wishlist Wednesday

I have decided to invoke a new routine to my week. One day a week I am going to make a wish. I am going to put it out there for the world to see with the hopes that somehow my wish gets granted. Wish-list Wednesday it is called and I am starting with what I think is a simple request.

Here goes - I wish to get paid for acting. Simple to the point. I personally don't think that is asking too much. It has been the way of the world for quite some time. You do a job you get paid for it. This is how it has always been I didn't make the rules. Ever since I was a kid. I took out the trash, did the dishes, dusted and got paid for it. What started out as $5 a week turned into a bit more as I started working outside the home. A weekly paycheck gradually increased in quantity as the years went on and the jobs became more complex. That was until I moved to LA and all payment for my time ceased to exist.

How is it that it is ok to ask some one to work for you and not pay them? Even worse, how is it ok that I continue to accept these terms? I bewilder myself, I really do. I can't count the number of times I have said enough-I will no longer work for free and yet like a classic crack addict I am back working for the promise of something great. ...And it never is.

Therefore, today on my first day of Wish-list Wednesday I am wishing for a paycheck, preferably from SAG, and sadly at this point I will almost take any amount. I just want to be paid for my work.

So to the few of you who read this - throw in a wish. Anything you want and like a good fountain I will take your penny and your wish. Who knows it may come true. Otherwise come the months end I will just collect all the pennies and buy myself a gelato.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Ask and You Shall Receive...almost

When we last left off I had asked the universe for something. I wasn't sure what exactly, just something. Then I went away to let the universe do its thing while I spent time with my beyond gorgeous nephew. When I came back to LA I hit the ground running. I immediately had 2 weeks full of auditions. And a variety of auditions at that! I had a couple call backs and booked a job. I was so excited. Who knew that all it took was for me asking the universe for what I wanted.

However, as wonderful as this all sounds it soon became clear that I was not going to get these gifts without a couple digs sprinkled in just to remind me that I did not have the upper hand when it came to my career. The first jab came in the form of crazy people. I was sitting in the waiting room at an audition for a music video looking around at the other "actors". Now I put "actors" in quotations b/c I cannot be sure a majority of these people have ever acted in their life. They looked as if they were walking down the street, saw an open door and decided to just come on in. I was the only one with a head-shot and resume that I know for sure. As I discreetly looked around at the variety of people sitting with me I happened to glance at the lady directly to my left. I am ashamed to say that I did one of the more obvious double takes I have ever taken. This is due to the fact that her wig was on crooked and the underside netting was sticking out of her temple. Almost to her eyebrow. Also, as she filled out her size card she simply replied, Barbara, to every question.
"What is your cell phone?" Barbara.
"What is your shoe size?" Barbara.
"Would you be willing to be an extra?" Barbara.

Since she looked like she was maybe in her late 70's I had to give her some slack. But the woman who went in before me I could not. As we were standing in line she held up her extra shirt that was on a hanger and proceeded to tell me that it had an eating disorder (the shirt on the hanger), but it was still pretty. She also told me she liked to dance but dancing is not as fun as it used to be b/c back in the day she took her clothes off. "There was nothing like rolling down your stockings." But these days dancing was not as much fun b/c she had to wear so many layers b/c she always ended up taking her clothes off. "Well," I said, "old habits die hard."
Now I am not sure what is more upsetting to me, that my manager thought of the 2 auditions he has gotten me, this is my niche? Or that I didn't even book the job! It probably went to Barbara!

The second dig was a real jab to my ego. Even more than the fact that my manager clearly thinks my acting capabilities equal that of an anorexic hanging shirt. My commercial agent emailed me an audition that read this: A BIT PALE AND NOT YET ADJUSTED TO THE ISLAND SUN. NOT BEACH BODIES BUT NOT A SLOB. What the hell? I mean this wouldn't have been so bad had it been an audition for Twilight or Vampire Diaries or any of the million other vampire shows out there. But no, this was for TGI Fridays! I was truly insulted. It took all of my strength not to walk into that audition screaming "But I DO work-out. I have a beach body I am sure of it." I am not really sure of it, but still, come on! being called somewhere between not a beach body and a slob?!?!? That one really hurt.

I guess in the end though I should be grateful to the universe for answering my prayers. All in all it was a nice little gift to come home to and I just realized that you win some and you lose some. And when it came to the TGI Friday commercial I like to think that I won even though I didn't book it. Because I am pretty sure the reason the job went to some one else is because of my olive complexion and I would look too good in a bikini.