Lies upon lies upon lies

I have a life that I envisioned for myself and I have to say that I am nowhere near living it. Where did I go wrong? What happened to me? I was so sure of where I would be by this age. the dreaded 30's, ARGH. So horrible I can barely write it (but I did so there) I mean I lie most days how old I am. I am an actress for Christ-sakes and I live I in LA – so sue me. What do you expect, nothing less I hope.
Though I can now see where I went wrong, where my life took a turn for the worse. It all started with that lie. My age. I mean I have been lying about my age since I was 25. At 25 I would say 24, only a year back but it was a crucial year. The year between early twenties and mid-twenties, b/c lets be honest you have one good year of mid-twenties and then you are into late twenties and then the dreaded thirty. And I am past that! Again, ARGH!.
I must have had some foresight that I would be living a life of nowhere. Knowing in my 30's I would be nowhere and people would think I am pathetic. I mean I am really just saving them the awkwardness of having to say, ooh, well at least you are following your dream. Am I? I don’t recall my dream being an unemployed actor who barely books any acting job never mind one that pays. I don’t recall my dream-self always frantic about how I am going to pay my bills. I for sure didn't play Motezuma's Revenge on my phone for hours a day. The highlight of my day wasn’t reading gawker.com. I didn’t dream of me dreaming about the life I was meant to live!
My dream was chock full of artistic fulfillment, a great apartment in the city, great friends and a map covered with pins of all the places I traveled. A closet full of killer clothes. I was a style icon!
Fuck, I just stopped writing to play Montezuma's Revenge, it is a good game. Damn. Try it, you’ll see. No wait don’t then you will end up like me and that is just not what you want. I don’t want that responsibility.