Tears of a Clown

I had a casting the other day for a print job. In a print audition you basically just stand there while they take a picture, usually a close up, of your face. This causes me much stress. I generally do not like having my picture taken. There are some people who as soon as they see a camera leap into frame, I am not one of them. I don’t have any desire to stare at a still of my face, because simply put, it will do me no good. I often curse the invention of the digital camera. They were certainly merrier days when I had only my imagination to tell me what I looked like in some one else’s picture. I mean we are talking cover of Vogue that was until technology struck. (Insert sad sigh) But I am digressing and aging myself, which brings me back to the point of this story. My audition.

I entered the room with 3 other girls and we stood shoulder to shoulder facing a table that sat 4 people looking at pictures, computer screens and us. There was a girl off to the side, the casting assistant I assumed and the photographer. The photographer stepped up to the girl to my right took her picture, got her profiles and a full body shot. My turn. I breathe and try to remain calm, hoping I come out as pretty as the girl to my left who has a full model book with her. He stares at me getting ready to take my picture and then this happens –

Photographer: “do you have a sister who lives in the valley”?
Me: "I do not."
Photographer: “well you have a twin out there.”
Me: "oh I hope that is a good thing".
Photographer: “oh yeah she is great, every one calls her the cougar.”
Me: "Huh. Oh. Um."
Photographer: “I mean she is not old”
Me: "I guess I will just take that with a grain of salt"
Photographer: “you know she is just - grrrr. Ok smile.”
Camera: click!

Remember, this is in a room full of people and he just told me I have a doppelganger that is called the cougar. Things couldn’t have gone more poorly for me and now I am convinced that the wrinkle that Kris tells me he doesn’t notice is clearly etched into my face like a Grand Canyon. How in the world could anyone expect me to take a good picture after this? Why in the world would anyone want to cast a girl when the photographer just told her she looked like a cougar and not the cuddly kitty kind.

This is my life. It really is. When I got home and told Kris what happened to me he laughed and said, “I love your stories.” Well, great, I am glad I can provide some joyfulness into your life b/c now I will be staring in the mirror emphatically looking for signs that I am shriveling up!
I am not sure how these things happen to me but they do. Constantly. I have to believe that these things happen to me for a reason. I tell myself over and over - well what great stories I will have to tell when I am on The Letterman Show or giving an interview to Vanity Fair. These stories will show my fans how likeable and approachable I am. I can easily be in the “just like us” section of Us Weekly! Or maybe it is just training because I am destined to be the sidekick, the comic relief on an Emmy winning half hour comedy that airs on HBO. Yes! That must be it, I am sure of it. Well, now that I have worked through this go ahead people have a laugh at my expense bc in the end it will be me laughing all the way up to the stage to accept my Golden Globe. (yes, just keep telling yourself this Kate)