I have a question for you, a riddle maybe. Let me present it this way.
I find myself to be in a constant struggle. What I am up against I really can’t be sure, but it is a powerful force, one that can’t be reckoned with, that much I do know. It has haunted me for my entire life it seems and each time I think I have moved past it, it comes back with a not so subtle punch in the face. And the thing is I am afraid to ask anyone if it ever goes away. I really have to let myself believe that it will go away or else I am going to lose this tug-o-war and end up face first in the mud puddle that is laden with shit.
Let’s break it down. I mean we all have angst-ridden teenage years. That is inevitable and in retrospect quite enjoyable to a point. There is something amazing about feeling like no one understands you or loving a boy so much you might die. They are not easy to go through but everyone does and looking back as an adult, it gives you a good laugh.
Then once you think you are through that you get the quarter life crisis which NO ONE has told you about. You are in your 20’s, supposedly the most carefree time in your life and you are in a constant state. “Where am I going in life?” “Who am I supposed to be?” “I don’t want to be cookie-cutter.” “ Should I just get a job that pays well or follow a dream?” This was particularly horrible for me, as I like to intensify any feelings by 100, so I was constantly tortured. I felt the incessant push and pull of traditional verse non-conventional. However, I fought through it and I made the choices that I believed were right for me and eventually saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I crawled my way towards that light, the light that blinked “Welcome to the 30’s Where Life is Easier.”
I was not thrilled to enter my 30’s but everyone said it is SO much better than your 20’s. You become a more confident person. You don’t have to struggle to make yourself seem relevant, you just are. I heard this from family members, Oprah, even Carrie Bradshaw.
Yet somehow, in my 30’s, I am still lost in my life. And it is really annoying. Yes, I am confident in that I don’t feel the need to go out of my way to impress guys but I am still struggling. I still feel lost. I still am asking myself why didn’t I just choose the path most taken? And why am I now, not jumping over to it as fast as I can?
So, my question for you is this: you have teen-angst, the quarter life crisis but what is it called in your 30’s or am I alone in this fight? And does it ever end? Because I would really like a clue at what is coming at me around the next corner.
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This is all I have for you - I talked to my agent today and what I though was going to be me having to accept a life of looking normal and bland so I could be castable turned out to be the complete and utter opposite. Instead I was told "If you are happy and confident with platinum hair then that is what you should have. Do what makes you happy. Stop second guessing everything." It was a welcomed slap in the face. You just can't think about it so much. You have to feel it and run with it. Like Nike says, "Just do it."
ReplyDeleteI agree with Khali. I don't think it matters if you choose the "cookie cutter" route or "the road less travelled." Does it have to be only these choices? The path a person takes through life's journey is unique to that person. Just make it a good one. Enjoy it. Embrace it. "Just do it." And stop and smell the flowers along the way.
ReplyDeleteBeing at the tail end of my 30s, I find that I have enjoyed it. During the teen-angst years, you don't REALLY have responsibilities (except to get into a good college or fret over a boy). In my 20s, you leave the carefree years of college (way better than high school) and land smack in the face of TOTAL responsibility (no parents or financial aid to bail you out, etc.). So, you get an apartment, find your soulmate and get married (and of course, pay bills). In your 30s, you have kids, a mortgage and swim lessons in the summer. Your responsibilities are exponential because now you have kids who need you 24-7 and a husband who needs attention too. It's not about you anymore. Nope, you put "you" on hold. So, having pushed the pause button on "you" (or me in this case), I have to wonder about my 40s--will this be the point in life when I get "me" back? Or is that person gone forever? Will I forget how to be "me" after taking care of others for so long? So, the questions can keep coming...as they seem to for you and I'm sure everyone in this universe. I guess, I can only keep going along my path, smell a few flowers along the way and relish the fact that I can't see beyond the horizon. I can just enjoy and live in the moment.
et's start off with "what do I know?" Great first question. The answer is nothing, but.... I have been there. My experience, for me only, has led me to the conclusion that the "pursuit of happiness" is a fleeting thing. I truly believe that the real "pursuit" in life is that of "fulfillment".
ReplyDeleteI have had a career path in life. I was going to be a sales rep. Great money. Safe career. I was also willing to give it all up. I struggled considerably with giving it up though. I was in a successful sales career. I wanted to know if I could do it. I felt I had accomplished a goal. I made more money than any of my friends, my parents, or anyone that was in my circle of friends. Why was I considering throwing it all away.
Yes. Why was I considering career options such as a helicopter pilot, etc, etc. What was I thinking??? I was not fulfilled....FULFILLED.
Fulfilled is a very different concept from happiness. What was out there for me?
I did find MY place in the world. For me it was management. In my line of work this was a much less secure job than sales. The time commitment was much more intense. the pay, unless I made it pretty far was questionable. Why do it then. I promised myself I would not go that route. In all reasonable estimations it was a "dumb" choice.
I started my new career path and worked twice the hours I had in that past. I also felt twice as good about myself. This is what I mean by "fulfilled" versus "happiness". Fulfilled means that at the end of the day no matter how tough things are, you feel better about who you are and what you have accomplished. Does this make sense...maybe, not without more explanation.
I have been "happy" and the next day I have awaken to feel like I wasted my time. I have also worked at something that someone else would never value, but I did, and I felt like a king. What is the real difference? You have to feel you have added value to others, yourself or to something you you feel is important. You have to work towards something that You feel is valuable, whatever that is for you.
ReplyDeleteFor me, I felt in my new role that I make a difference in people's lives. I make them better. I see what I do reflected in the life that my people have. They grow in their roles, they raise a family, and are seen by the people they feel are important as a success. For me, what else can be better?!
When I realized this, my life improved. It was really never about anything else than what I felt was important. I think others feel it was about money, I never did. I went into my "calling" in management because I felt I made a difference in the world and to others.
What else changed? I have surrounded myself with those that have passion for THEIR life. I have always said, "You are who you roll with." (My street talk!!!) It is true. Surround yourself with those you admire and you become more like them. You bolster them and they will bolster you. In times of weakness, which we all have, they will pick you up and will not pull you down. You do the same for them.
I have been very blessed to have a very few friends...all of whom I idolize. I have added to them and they have added to me. I feel weak and unworthy at times, but they lift me up and I they do the same for me.
I now work more, have less "free" time and do things although I would be more "happy" to be watching T.V. (Not really). I feel I beat myself up and feel guilty for the weaknesses I have, but I have never been more fulfilled.
Am i right? were our "Forefathers" right to include the "Pursuit of Happiness" in the Constitution? I have my opinions. I could have run away and been a helicopter pilot. I searched for an escape from what I was feeling. The answer to me has changed over time, but I will take working towards a worthwhile goal, MY goals, over anything else in life.
With that said, has everything has been perfect? No. I do wish my brother understood me a bit better. I wish I understood him better. I respect and love him. I respect and love Kate. Are my goals right for you two. Not a chance. I do hope that you two feel the goals you have, as much as they will change over time, are right for you. I am glad to see you chase your dreams. I hope you achieve them. Just remember that achieving them are not nearly as important as working with all your might towards them. That is the journey. God speed!!!!
Love,
Your Brother
Posts #3 & #4 are from Dave Graney
ReplyDelete